We met with the Siberian man on the beach at dusk. The sea was almost invisible, melting into the darkening, violet haze. "Tell me, why are some fixed stars destructive?" I asked. "Well, these traditional astrologers of yours, they were not exactly serving a goddess, were they?" he replied, staring at the sky, waiting for … Continue reading Stars
I was on a night sea, in a narrow boat with the Siberian man. I saw a star shining bright on the horizon. "Is that Jupiter rising?" - I asked, but he didn't reply. "I wonder what I am supposed to do with myself. When I live in the outer world, I soon feel so … Continue reading Snow on Fire
The Siberian man was leading me upwards on a meandering mountain path. It was quite foggy but I knew we were already rather high up. Then we reached a plateau, I was not sure whether it was the top of the mountain or there was more above us. In any case, a far-eastern Buddhist monk came to meet us, smiling.
He opened up like a flower, and there was a woman, smiling. Then she opened up and there was a very old man. And he opened up and there was a very old woman. And he opened up and there was the young Sun, again.
"Who are you?" - I asked. There was no reply. I tried to guess, but its energy felt so alien that I had no idea what this being could be. Was it one of the outer planets? Uranus? Pluto? Neptune? None of them aspect my Moon... Saturn? He wouldn't be so fluid... why didn't it say something?
And I asked: "What is it like, being a hybrid? Is it like being sick?" "No" she replied, "when you get sick, you had a "healthy" self that got somehow distorted by sickness. But I was born like this, it's not a distortion, it's my being. When you are one type of being or another, you have a home in the land of this or that. When you are a hybrid, like me, you live at the crossroads, your only home is your skin, not even that, because even that might be forever changing".
Next, I was with the Siberian man, we were at sea, going very fast in his boat. At one point, there came a huge wave, but instead of pouring down on us, it stopped and stood still, I could feel some of the water as vapour on my skin.
I enjoyed watching the horses roaming about, they were beautiful, powerful and free. Then one of them slowed down and came towards us. We stood up. "Come" - said the skinless man, and we took the horse, and off we went, running with the rest of the herd, racing with the winds, on top of the oceans... it was thrilling, intoxicating.
Then I noticed red floss, like roots, pulsating. I was in my own body. I saw them grow and reach out through my skin, like golden threads, like a golden lace entwining around me... at the moment, however, it was all quite a mess... "it will sort out", the old woman said. The sensation reminded me of the time when I was pregnant and I could feel a new life growing inside me, but this new life right now was developing not within but around...
I was lying on my back, staring at the sky above me. I saw some spots of light shooting by, they looked like fireflies, except the bee who was flying very close to me. Then I realized they were not fireflies but stars, and that even though it felt like we were hardly moving at all, we were in fact gliding so fast the stars seemed to leave a trail on our breaths...