Forty-Three

I was in a canoe, bundled up like a mummy. The Siberian man was rowing, we were going down a fast and narrow river. Then we were gulped by a cascade. As we were falling in slow motion, I could see people standing at the edge, watching us. I fell out of the boat, into the water. Suddenly, we were on the bench of the river, at dusk.

And the Siberian said:

“Divination is a bodily practice”

I looked at him, waiting for more.

“Why do you think the religions of the book were so against it? Because there’s no other way than through the body. And they all want to separate the “spirit” from “matter”. But there is no such thing as a body and there is no such thing as a soul. You know the body-soul that divines, the subtle body, the golden thread we are all made of, that we all weave and are woven from. Feel it now.”

And I was the wind that touched my skin. And the soil I was standing on. And the grass growing towards the rising Moon. And I was the Moon. And the Siberian man. And I was myself.

Fourteen

I was in the dark, some reddish light was filtering through the walls, it was warm and soft, I was in my body, again. Then I saw the room around me in half-light, through eyes still closed.

Next, I was with the Siberian man, we were at sea, going very fast in his boat. At one point, there came a huge wave, but instead of pouring down on us, it stopped and stood still, I could feel some of the water as vapour on my skin.

And the man said
-“The most important thing now is to maintain your  flexibility of perspective and develop it even further. You’ve come a long way in that domain, you already have some muscles there. But you are afraid that your emotions will take it away from you, that they will blind and freeze you. But it is not water that is afraid of changing and flowing, it’s not your feelings that are holding you back. Look, water can take any shape it wants, fill in any form and it will still be water, and it knows it.”

And we got out of the way of the wave while it was still frozen, to a safe distance, and watched it melt and plunge into the sea.

– “But what is it in me that threatens this flexibility, what is afraid that I will lose myself, that I will cease to be who I am by coming  here?”
– “What is the element that can most easily mistake itself for the shape it takes, because it’s the most solid of all?”
– “Earth?” I asked.
He nodded.

And I thought of the Moon and Saturn in Virgo in my natal chart, and I wondered…

Seven

I was in the forest again, by the yew tree, and wondered if I could meet Jupiter. There came the golden bee and told me to clench my hand around her. We started to fly upwards, spiralling around the tree; higher and higher, until we felt surrounded by water, as if diving. But it was calm only for a minute, then we started to whirl, and we were rocking more and more fiercely… suddenly, we found ourselves in a large boat or ship. The old woman was sitting there, waiting for us. Surrounded by a raging sea, a swirling, furious darkness, we could feel nothing but a fresh breeze on our face. We were moving ahead gently and steadily in the stormy waters, untouched. “where is Jupiter?” I asked her.  – “You’re on his ship”, she smiled, “makes a difference, hm?”, she beckoned towards the gale.

Six

I was in an old forest, it was late afternoon or evening, and a group of children was running around, laughing, chasing each other. Then it started to snow… I was surpized, because it felt like summer, warm and green… but then I realized that what surrounded us was not snow but seeds from a cottonwood tree. There was hardly any wind, we were enveloped in small, luminous feathers, playing in the colours of the setting sun. The world was in slow motion, as if we were all floating. I looked around, observing all the details, the lights, the colours, and I noticed that there was a river close by, and a boat on the bank. There was an old couple sitting by the boat. I remembered the woman from previous meditations. I didn’t recognize the man, but I could tell from the way they looked at each other that they were intimate.

Then I saw the great yew tree… I was mesmerized and went closer. It had a cavity at its foot, and there seemed to be some light within, red, like fire, but I didn’t want to go down there. I stared upwards instead, and pondered whether I could climb up. I suddenly remembered an old dream with my “home”. In my dreams, I am usually either in an unknown place, or somebody else’s house, but in this one I was in my own home:  a tree house with colourful, translucent veils instead of walls, high up on a big, old tree, in the middle of an ancient woods…

Five

I wondered, what would it be like to meet Jupiter? I thought I’d ask the bee. I found myself in a narrow boat,  like a canoe. There was somebody sitting at my head, rowing. I was lying on my back, staring at the sky above me. I saw some spots of light shooting by, they looked like fireflies, except the bee who was flying very close to me. Then I realized they were not fireflies but stars, and that even though it felt like we were hardly moving at all, we were in fact gliding so fast the stars seemed to leave a trail on our breaths…

It was a small river, and we were going upstream, the landscape changed from summer reed to autumn meadow to snow covered field, and the river got more and more narrow, until the rower had to step out and pull the canoe.

At one point, somewhere in the midst of autumn, we stopped by a field of harvested corn. Barely visible beings wrapped me in a large piece of white gauze, as if I was a newborn baby (I still couldn’t move). I saw my mother as a young girl, maybe seven, they also put a sheet around her shoulders, like a shawl to protect her from the cold. Then I saw another girl, about the same age, on the other side of the river (to the right) and they dropped the cloth on her head and tightened it around the knees, I was frightened for a second that they would suffocate her, she seemed scared, too, but didn’t move or give a sound. They loosened the gauze, and then my canoe sped off, leaving me to wonder if the girl took it off her head in the end or stayed under it…

Finally, the rower stopped pulling me across the snow, and I wasn’t sure whether we arrived somewhere or she just got exhausted. Then I heard a drum, two reindeers came to meet us, and I could feel a new presence welcoming us without words.

.


Note:

Going upstream the river to the north reminded me of the tree of languages, my mother tongue belongs to the ugric family, one of only three languages. The other two people are both native to Siberia, they are mostly nomadic reindeer herders – the drum could have been a shaman’s drum.

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