Fifty-Eight

I was with a great crowd in an arena or concert hall. They had their hands in the air, enjoying themselves. On top of the crowd, there was a faint, bluish light. It slowly turned red and thickened into a fog. It felt heavy and dangerous. Something in its shape and the way it moved reminded me of a snake, or a Chinese dragon.

I wanted to know where we were. I lifted up, higher and higher until I could see the Scandinavian peninsula and its surroundings.

Then it all narrowed down again, I was falling into a funnel. But instead of the arena, I was now in a room somewhere in ancient Egypt. There was a priest performing a ceremony. He was drawing symbols in the sand with a stick. And on the wall, all around us: golden bees. The door nearby had a dragon carved into its frame.  I looked at the priest for clues, but he didn’t want to be disturbed.

Suddenly, I dropped into a glass sphere. The Siberian man had been waiting for me. We were not alone, kids or people dressed as characters from a Super Mario game were running around us in a frenzy. I looked at him, it all felt so absurd. He shrugged “Teenagers”.

Through the glass, we could see dolphins and their vast sea. A huge wave hit them so hard that they were thrown into the air. A hole opened in the scene, like the black iris of an eye, and insects of all kinds were swarming out of it. Bees, too. They were badly hurt, charred…

The Siberian man grabbed me “We must go. Now”. His hands were burnt. We ran. Into a cave where a woman was waiting for us, dressed like the High Priestess in the tarot. She was surrounded by golden bees. Unhurt.

“What is going on?” I asked.

“We’ll wait here now until this passes” she replied. I noticed some strange shapes lingering in the background, but could not see anything clearly.

“We’ll weather this out”, she said.

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Ten

I was at the entrance of a cave. There were some golden dancers moving in a strange, fragmented way, I wondered whether they were real people or puppets. I entered. In the centre, there was an opening at the top, and I could feel a waterfall, but all I could see was a myriad of droplets floating around, dancing in the sunlight. I went to the middle, surrounded by golden drops, it was beautiful, serene. From the corner of my eyes, I spotted other dancers, some like dervishes, others like Native Americans, all moving in this strange, fragmented way. I looked upwards and realized that the droplets were golden bees, and noticed a figure like the High Priestess in the Rider-Waite Tarot deck at the side, she smiled. I was turning into a bee. When I was done, I flew upwards, and observed everything from above. It was not a waterfall, but two seas meeting, and as they clashed, instead of flooding the cave, they turned into droplets, into golden bees. I perceived so many things at the same time, it was hard to be aware of all of them.

At one point, it got dark, and I stopped. The sea was black, too, and there was a huge wave coming. I was frightened. The High Priestess came and lead me into the cave. She held my hand as we were waiting for it to reach us. I saw dead bodies,  so many of them… some were mutilated… The High Priestess was behind me now, gripping my arms, I could feel her head against my back.

– “Why do I have to witness all this?” – I asked her.
– “There are thousands of pasts, and thousands of futures. They all have to meet at one point, in one single present, even if only for a moment, to become conscious. My bees are all such junctures, such meeting points… I’m sorry, my little bee, I am so sorry that it hurts.”
– “But what is consciousness? And why does it matter?”

The black wave fell apart into golden drops, floating around us. The High Priestess turned to face me, then she looked to the side and the Siberian man came to join us. We formed a circle, holding hands. First, it was all black, but then came some light filtering through… I was in a dark, red place. I could hear some fluid pumping, I could feel warmth, some of the things around were soft, others were hard… I was inside a body.

Then, I saw something, very dimly: it looked like the pores of the skin, and some hair… I recognized my own temple from a small scar I have there. Then my eyelashes, my closed eyes, me lying on the sofa. It was all quite blurred. “It will get clearer in time” – the High Priestess said. I looked around the room, it was the same and yet not the same… It was how I would see it without glasses and in near darkness, maybe by moonlight. I saw the sofa, my desk, my computer, my chair… I noticed something moving. It was two people. They were the Siberian man and the High Priestess. They were in the room the same way as I was,  utterly real. I was so surprized that I opened my eyes and sat up to check… “what is this?… is this consciousness?”

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