Thirty-Six

There were two big bodies of water that met in a single line, but they did not mingle. As if there was a piece of glass between them… but no. I could see the arms and legs of a woman dancing, but could not see her face or torso, she herself was the line dividing the waters.

She was slowly pushing them apart, and in the space between the two walls of water, there was a woman bending close to the soil, and another one coming right behind her. All of them were far-eastern, with almond eyes and long, black hair. The first woman bent to the ground after each step, and put a seedling into the wet black soil. The second woman was slowly dancing behind her, her hands raised above her head, and with the delicate movements of her fingers, she touched the walls of water and freed some drops, gently sprinkling the seedlings.

The third woman was standing still, keeping the waters apart with her palms. I was facing her, doing the same, with my legs wide apart. When the two women finished planting and reached me, they crawled through between my legs and stood behind me. Then the first woman let the waters meet again, and we were all deep undersea.

The light of the Moon filtered in gently, and the women danced, their hair whirling freely. The seedlings started to grow, they were tall grass now.

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Twenty-Three

I wanted to meet the Moon in my natal chart. The Siberian man was leading me upwards on a meandering mountain path. It was quite foggy but I knew we were already rather high up. Then we reached a plateau, I was not sure whether it was the top of the mountain or there was more above us. In any case, a far-eastern Buddhist monk came to meet us, smiling.

“Here you are”. he said.
“Are you my Moon?” – I asked.
“Are you really surprised?” – he asked back, smiling.

No, I wasn’t, not really. He was looking at me and the Siberian man with a gentle smile. The two men exchanged knowing glances.

“Welcome” – said the monk, holding our hands.

But we didn’t start off towards the monastery. Instead, he brought a horse well-prepared for a long journey, with blankets and saddlebags.

“Your horse is ready for your journey” – he said and nodded gently. The Siberian man thanked him in a similar manner.

The monk put his hands on my shoulders, and looked deeply into my eyes. I could feel he cared deeply about me, but we didn’t say a word.

I didn’t feel like going anywhere, but I knew I had to. I took the horse and we gently started off into the ever-thickening fog. I could feel the monk and the Siberian man staring after me.

Twenty

I was in a cavern by the sea, I could not see the water but I could hear its roar: there was a storm. Then the waves came into the cave, and a long figure lifted me up and threw me into the water. I couldn’t swim. He caught me, lifted me up, threw me in again. “learn to swim” he said, and did it again and again. I still couldn’t swim. It didn’t work. It was pointless.

Then the waves left the space and the man disappeared. I heard the sounds of footsteps, but couldn’t see anyone. The footsteps sometimes came from one direction, then from the other. It was quite dark, I could hardly see a thing.  I was anxious, and I could feel my anxiety burning in my belly.

Then I remembered the eye in my navel, and I decided to try and open it and look around. It felt strange, but it worked, I could see a dim figure, I wondered if it was an animal, it felt so alien. It was changing shape, taking form… at one moment, it looked like the head of a snail, then it resembled Yoda from Star Wars… whatever it was, it was something very different and strange.

“Who are you?” – I asked.

There was no reply. I tried to guess, but its energy felt so alien that I had no idea what this being could be. Was it one of the outer planets? Uranus? Pluto? Neptune? None of them aspect the Moon in my natal chart… Saturn? He wouldn’t be so fluid… why didn’t it say something? Whatever it was, it must have come in answer to my question about my mother – just before meditation, I wondered why our relationship was so complicated.

Then, it occurred to me that maybe it couldn’t talk. I showed him a natal chart, with the houses, but without planets in it. It was like a map drawn on a piece of cloth. “Show me where you are in my birth chart”. It put its finger onto the 8th house. I have no planets in the 8th house. I tried to visualize my natal chart to see what could be there.

In the meantime, the creature found something like a ladder against the wall of the cave, and started crawling upwards. He looked more like a lizard right now… or… I suddenly remembered what was in my 8th house. “You are the tail of the dragon, the South Node” I said, and he indeed looked like a dragon now.

He reached some kind of plateau, where he transformed into a lion, and kept walking forward. When he reached the end of the plateau, it looked down into the depth, it was vast and there was a dark lake at the bottom.

Suddenly, the huge head of a dragon rose out of the lake, it was threatening, the lion was scared. He transformed into a wolf, but the wolf was scared, too. Then it transformed into a little girl, resembling Alice in “Alice in Wonderland”, the Disney cartoon.

The dragon swallowed her. She traveled through the body of the dragon, down the abyss, into the lake, up the ladder, and popped out at the tail. Then the dragon swallowed her again. This was repeated quite a few times.

Then I heard a voice close to me: “Don’t follow the white rabbit.”. It was probably the Siberian man. I wondered whether he was amused…

Fourteen

I was in the dark, some reddish light was filtering through the walls, it was warm and soft, I was in my body, again. Then I saw the room around me in half-light, through eyes still closed.

Next, I was with the Siberian man, we were at sea, going very fast in his boat. At one point, there came a huge wave, but instead of pouring down on us, it stopped and stood still, I could feel some of the water as vapour on my skin.

And the man said
-“The most important thing now is to maintain your  flexibility of perspective and develop it even further. You’ve come a long way in that domain, you already have some muscles there. But you are afraid that your emotions will take it away from you, that they will blind and freeze you. But it is not water that is afraid of changing and flowing, it’s not your feelings that are holding you back. Look, water can take any shape it wants, fill in any form and it will still be water, and it knows it.”

And we got out of the way of the wave while it was still frozen, to a safe distance, and watched it melt and plunge into the sea.

– “But what is it in me that threatens this flexibility, what is afraid that I will lose myself, that I will cease to be who I am by coming  here?”
– “What is the element that can most easily mistake itself for the shape it takes, because it’s the most solid of all?”
– “Earth?” I asked.
He nodded.

And I thought of the Moon and Saturn in Virgo in my natal chart, and I wondered…

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