Fifty-Six

Standing at a deep well with the Siberian man, I could see metallic steps leading to the crystal clear water below. We started to go down. The stairs were rusty, rough and cold to the touch. Some of the wall was covered with moss. We went deeper and deeper, then entered the water and started to sink. We did not stop.

At one point, the ladder bent, and soon it was above us, still deep underwater. It became smooth and soft to the touch. We swam further. I was gently stroking the “wall” overhead when realised it was the underbelly of a whale. When we reached the surface and looked around, we could see the huge tail. Also spotted green shores close by, and headed there.

There were huge megaliths on the beach, and people waiting for us. I asked one of them about the stones and what they were for, and he replied that they were “homes for the soul”. I wondered what that meant, whether they were tombstones. “Not at all”, he laughed.

Then he touched the stone and asked me to do the same. I did. At first, it was rough and cold but then it started to get warm and supple, soft as skin. Almost a human body. It became pliable, like a membrane, and I could enter. Inside, it was a rock formation and I started to climb.

When high enough, I stopped to look. A golden sea all around. I was one with the megalith. I was the megalith.

And suddenly, I could feel someone entering, the same way I had. It was the Siberian man. He came to me, took my hand and we started to descend. But we did not stop at ground level. We kept on going deeper until we submerged in dark green water. We were in the sea, again.

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Thirty-Seven

I was at the seaside. The water took the form of a woman, just like me. She approached, smiling. We held hands, staring into each other. And she fell back into the sea.

Then came the Siberian man, wearing a mantle decorated with translucent-golden bee wings.

“But aren’t bees feminine?” – I asked him.
He smiled and stroked my face gently.
“Isn’t it what consciousness is? A man initiated into the feminine mysteries?”

He started off at some speed, walking by the coastline, and I decided to follow him.

Thirty-Six

There were two big bodies of water that met in a single line, but they did not mingle. As if there was a piece of glass between them… but no. I could see the arms and legs of a woman dancing, but could not see her face or torso, she herself was the line dividing the waters.

She was slowly pushing them apart, and in the space between the two walls of water, there was a woman bending close to the soil, and another one coming right behind her. All of them were far-eastern, with almond eyes and long, black hair. The first woman bent to the ground after each step, and put a seedling into the wet black soil. The second woman was slowly dancing behind her, her hands raised above her head, and with the delicate movements of her fingers, she touched the walls of water and freed some drops, gently sprinkling the seedlings.

The third woman was standing still, keeping the waters apart with her palms. I was facing her, doing the same, with my legs wide apart. When the two women finished planting and reached me, they crawled through between my legs and stood behind me. Then the first woman let the waters meet again, and we were all deep undersea.

The light of the Moon filtered in gently, and the women danced, their hair whirling freely. The seedlings started to grow, they were tall grass now.

Twenty-One

I could see some thick, knitted material, dark blue, with some dark purple embellishment on it. It reflected light in a beautiful way. First, I could only see this piece of textile, and felt the wind, it was quite fresh and salty. Then I could hear the waves.

And then, I could see the sea. We were on top of a plateau or a rock, it was green around us, wildflowers, moss… the sky was covered, stormy, but there was no rain yet. A young woman was sitting on a rock, she had long, dark hair and Asian eyes. It felt very peaceful being around her. She was covered by a thick, dark blue-purple blanket.

I could hear footsteps, and as I turned around, I saw the Siberian man approaching.

“Meet my daughter” – he said.

The woman looked at me, smiled with her eyes and nodded slightly, then turned back towards the sea. I was to her right, observing her profile. She looked around twenty. I turned back to the Siberian man to estimate his age, and he seemed somewhere between fifty and sixty, or around sixty. Difficult to say.

I turned back to the woman, but she looked older now, around my age. I must have made a mistake a minute before. She looked at me for a second, then turned back to the sea. I watched the water, too, and the sky, and the flowers rocking in the wind.

When I turned back to her again, she seemed to be in her fifties. I realized she was ageing in front of my eyes.I peeked at the Siberian man, wondering what was going on. He was not getting older, he stayed the same age. He smiled. When I took another glimpse at the woman, she was quite old, her hair was all white.

“Will she die in front of me?” – I wondered.

The Siberian man stepped closer, he was standing right behind me and put his hands on my shoulders. I glimpsed at the woman again, she just disappeared, the blanket fell onto the rock, her hair transformed into mist and the wind blew it away.

“She’s gone” – I thought to myself.

The Siberian man stroked my back gently.

Then I noticed something below, a small dot coming out of the sea. It was getting closer to the rocky slope, and I realized it was a toddler, in a long, white shirt. Suddenly, I heard a cheerful cry:

“Father!”

The Siberian man waved back, smiling. The little girl was climbing towards us, growing. She was around 11 or 12 when she reached the top, and greeted us with a big smile and sparkling eyes, giggling.

She sat down next to me, where the old woman had been just before. The Siberian man took the blanket and put it around her. She bowed her head, and blushed slightly when she looked at me. She was probably around 18 now…

Fifteen

I wanted to talk to the Siberian man about what he said last time. We were sitting on a beach, in the sand. It was late afternoon, the evening wasn’t born yet, I knew the sun couldn’t have set, there was too much light, but I could not actually see it anywhere. I didn’t see the sea, either, though I could hear the waves, and feel the salty vapour on my skin. We must have been very close, and yet, I couldn’t see the water…

The Siberian man was sitting next to me, but he was a bit blurred and glowing around the edges, as if there was very thick fog around him…

And I asked him, “What did you mean last time about the element earth mistaking itself for the shape it takes, that this threatens the flexibility of perspective?”

“Perception is the womb of feelings. It is the womb of thoughts. It is the womb of intuition. Perception is Being… Try and just sense things…”

He asked me to lift up my hand and close my eyes. He was stroking my palm, it felt like light electricity. Next, I was floating in warm water, it entered my body through my right fingertips, circulated within and left through the other hand. Then I was out of the water, and a cool summer breeze was stroking my skin… I could feel memories gathering around me, but I decided to keep them away, I wanted to be in the here and now.

“Emotions are bridges” the Siberian man said, “they connect the present with the past. Feeling is remembering. However powerful emotions are, you must flow with the here and now when you remember, don’t let yourself be transported and stuck somewhere else. Otherwise there is never a here and now. You always only half-perceive, you fill in the rest with feelings, thoughts and intuition. You must try to perceive as raw as you can, stay with it, don’t take leaps. You think you know how to perceive, but instead of being aware of the here and now, you try to freeze in time the things you are experiencing, because you want to grab and understand them, to hold onto them, you want to be able to go back and analyse them… but how can you perceive something that is not here? That is no perception…”

“But what if I see or hear something that cannot be?”

“Perceive now, mistrust later”, he shrugged, with a naughty smile.

Fourteen

I was in the dark, some reddish light was filtering through the walls, it was warm and soft, I was in my body, again. Then I saw the room around me in half-light, through eyes still closed.

Next, I was with the Siberian man, we were at sea, going very fast in his boat. At one point, there came a huge wave, but instead of pouring down on us, it stopped and stood still, I could feel some of the water as vapour on my skin.

And the man said
-“The most important thing now is to maintain your  flexibility of perspective and develop it even further. You’ve come a long way in that domain, you already have some muscles there. But you are afraid that your emotions will take it away from you, that they will blind and freeze you. But it is not water that is afraid of changing and flowing, it’s not your feelings that are holding you back. Look, water can take any shape it wants, fill in any form and it will still be water, and it knows it.”

And we got out of the way of the wave while it was still frozen, to a safe distance, and watched it melt and plunge into the sea.

– “But what is it in me that threatens this flexibility, what is afraid that I will lose myself, that I will cease to be who I am by coming  here?”
– “What is the element that can most easily mistake itself for the shape it takes, because it’s the most solid of all?”
– “Earth?” I asked.
He nodded.

And I thought of the Moon and Saturn in Virgo in my natal chart, and I wondered…

Seven

I was in the forest again, by the yew tree, and wondered if I could meet Jupiter. There came the golden bee and told me to clench my hand around her. We started to fly upwards, spiralling around the tree; higher and higher, until we felt surrounded by water, as if diving. But it was calm only for a minute, then we started to whirl, and we were rocking more and more fiercely… suddenly, we found ourselves in a large boat or ship. The old woman was sitting there, waiting for us. Surrounded by a raging sea, a swirling, furious darkness, we could feel nothing but a fresh breeze on our face. We were moving ahead gently and steadily in the stormy waters, untouched. “where is Jupiter?” I asked her.  – “You’re on his ship”, she smiled, “makes a difference, hm?”, she beckoned towards the gale.

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