Sixteen

I was thinking about the Siberian man while having a walk. And suddenly, I heard him say:

“I know you are angry with me.”

“Because you shouldn’t be talking to me”

“Why? Because people see with their words, and you had no words to make them see you? You got used to being an invisible child in an invisible land. You don’t like it that I can see you, that I can see you with words. But I didn’t come here uninvited. I am at home here, same as you. You can see us, and we can see you. We can see you alright.”

But my inner world wasn’t always without words, I remember that I used to enjoy discussing things with my imaginary friends. I tried to recall when they stopped talking, when I started to hide from them, but I couldn’t tell.

“People see with words” – what a funny thing to say, it is perfect.  It is exactly how I felt as a child. If only I had the right words,  I wouldn’t be invisible. I used to be so obsessed with language, I was looking for a word constantly on the tip of my tongue, and could never find it. I didn’t know why it was so important, it just was, more important than anything. I never put it like that,  “people see with words”… but that’s what I wanted, to be perceived “raw”, unfiltered, to meet others and be met without expectations, molds or standards… without the skin.

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