It is the time of my solar return, and I wanted to meet the Sun in my birth chart. I went to the dark, underground forest where he took me the first time. I saw him sitting on a chair, with golden hair reaching a bit beyond his shoulder. The Siberian man was gently combing his hair, and I was wondering whether the Sun was male or female, it was not obvious at all. He stood up and he started to turn and turn, and once he was a man and once she was a woman. Then he came to see me, a young man around 18 or less.
“Why are you so young?” – I asked him.
“Because you want to see me that way. When your daughter was born, you decided I was not up to the task of raising her and set me aside. You decided I was childish, that I cannot function well enough in the real world.”
“And can you? You are hardly aware of time, for example. How could you feed her, or how could you fetch her from school in time? How would you notice she’s grown out of her trousers and needs a new pair? and so much more. Mystical realms is one thing, but my daughter is the most important in the world, and she needs someone who takes care of her, whom she can rely on. I doubt that’s you.”
“That’s fine, but can’t we do something better than this? How long do you think this can go on?”
“I have no idea. As long as she needs me, I guess”
“Please. You really underestimate me. I am not a child. And I’m not so childish, either.”
He opened up like a flower, and there was a woman, smiling. Then she opened up and there was a very old man. And he opened up and there was a very old woman. And he opened up and there was the young Sun, again.
“Alright” – I said. “I am sorry”.
I took his hand and we started to walk out of the dark forest, through a tunnel. I could feel his hand change in mine, and when I looked back, he looked more like a woman. Then we got out of a cave, and she was the ever-changing, dark haired, almond-eyed woman from my other meditation.
The Siberian man ran to her and hugged her, then ran to me and hugged me, too. He was very happy.